Flatulence - the uncontrollable type

Hello, konnichiwa, bonjour, hola, buon giorno and ni hao. Welcome to my first ever blog. Although I had grand ideas (the grandest!) for the first topic, it has ended up taking on a very personal twist - to you and to me.

It’s one of those things that makes me cringe or giggle depending on the circumstances (and I'm sure I'm not the only one!). I used to say ‘ladies don't do it’, but everyone has done it (even my 2 year old does it and believe me she does it lots). Then the day came when I found out it gets worse. It will happen to you, to me and to everyone else we know and worse of all, there won’t be much we can do about it. Not a sausage!

Uncontrollable flatulence. There, I've said. Flatulence - the uncontrollable type. Passing wind itself is part of life in some weird way, but it's the uncontrollable bit that makes me cringe. To be honest, I have been cringing ever since a friend shed some light on the ageing process.

My friend witnessed a group of elderly people stepping from their bus after an outing; when, in a procession fitting of an in tuned orchestra, one by one they took turns to do you know what, without a hint of humour or embarrassment. None!

So my friend ended up being half in hysterics at the experience and the other half of him was feeling a bit uncomfortable at the thought that at some point it will happen to him and everyone he knows.

I have the utmost respect for the elderly - they have lived long and hopefully happy lives and have worked damn hard for everything they have. Also, the amount of knowledge you can gain from an elderly person is priceless. Not forgetting though, they were just like us once, with probably the same shaded view of what to expect later on in life than what actually happens. So it goes without saying that I definitely have a new found respect for the elder generation. With everything else they have to deal with that comes with ageing, what’s the point of adding something onto that list that’s not relaxing or fun (maybe the latter is questionable)?

So now, not only am I working my way through whatever life throws at me in my thirties (whilst planning my list of beauty fix-me-ups for my forties and fifties – just incase!), I now have to put another request to the universe. I hope by the time I experience anything of the ‘uncontrollable’ type, some research lab will have developed a fancy pill that will spare me and everyone else I know from all those things that people don’t like to talk about but actually happen.

Now that I have put my request out there for the future, there is still the present. When you are next in the presence of an elderly person who passes wind, farts, pops off, bottom burps or whatever you call it, think again. Avoid screwing up your nose in disgust, laughing loudly or giving them a telling look. They deserve everyone’s respect, uncontrollable flatulence or not. So please just giggle on the inside (I’m certain that’s what they’re doing) and remember to donate generously to any future study on controlling flatulence (I’m counting on it!). Tx

Dedicated to Mark who is still in recovery from the experience