B4K was a time I remember so fondly – sleep-ins, going to posh/grown-up restaurants, reading a newspaper cover to cover, sitting through an entire movie without falling asleep, and when a toilet cubicle was just for 1. I also remember being quietly confident that whenever I did have children, they wouldn’t be as naughty like the ones I saw out in public. I’m the first to say I have made some mistakes in my life (permed hair is right up there!), but blaming parents for their children’s behaviour was never on my radar for being wrong. Then karma came and bit me right on the arse.
Oh crap – the things I used to do! I was THAT person who used to screw up my nose when I found out children were in the same part of the airplane as moi, I used to rolled my eyes when I saw a mum or dad losing the plot because their own child wouldn’t do as they were told, and I used to shake my head when I saw a child dressed in uncoordinated clothes. Then I got the shock of my life – I became a parent, twice!
Fast forward to the Naughties. I am in my thirties and a mum of two girls. This is a feat in itself – world’s worst needle phobic survives not 1 but 2 labours! Anyway, the messy bit aside, I have to admit that it has been a very slow and painful lesson – apparently kids do what the hell they want! Laugh all you like but there is nothing wrong with being positive when faced with the prospect of raising a child. I personally blame those cute babies in shopping centres and also my mum – why the heck does she only remember the good bits about rearing her own children. “You kids never did anything like that” is a constant reminder that I have somehow managed to rear 2 kids who draw similar characteristics to the Simpsons family and not my own genetic pool – hello, what is wrong with this picture?
So all that prepping of our little “bumps” must have been a load of rubbish as I clearly told my girls how they were to do exactly what I asked, that mummy will always be right, I will be the ‘fun’ parent, don’t marry until you are 30, and most importantly daddy will have heart failure if you go on a date before you are 25. So where did I go wrong?
My youngest girl (2yrs) is a handful like most 2nd kiddies – with a difference! She thinks what comes out of her nose is part of her 5 daily food groups. She insists on dressing herself every day (Madame Chanel would be beside herself!), she copies me by putting on ‘her face’ every morning before I go to work, but best of all she adores (and secretly aspires to be just like) her big sister - a no no in sibling land apparently. The big sister (the 6yr old going on 20!) thinks shopping is equivalent to needle vaccinations, she is retail aware and thinks she is a better dancer than I (clearly worst judgement of her young life). So I have managed to be pretty busy in my 6 years of being “mother of the year” – getting spewed on, pooed on, faced tantrums in public (more often than not!), had my hair tied in double knots (my kiddies think they are trained hairdressers when they see my hair out in the same room as a hairbrush!), and the ones etched into my memory - food tipped on my newly groomed hair and also being asked by a security guard to return items to a shop that my daughter decided to stick into her handbag. Weirdly though, some parents don’t even raise an eyebrow – they’ve experienced worse!
So in true optimistchic fashion, I am now a realistic parent (it took me a while but I have arrived with a thump!) who needs to be on to these mini me’s like super glue. Although I will always continue to love their beautiful ways and can’t imagine my life without them, I need to try different tactics to entertain and help them blossom into upstanding citizens. The things I have come up with so far are to:
• try like a superhero to see through their cute armour and tune into exactly what they are up to (i.e. nothing is always something);
• be patient at their ‘short person syndrome’ antics (i.e. full moon days);
• restrain my ‘rolling of the eyes’ for any parents I see that are stressed out of their minds (maybe handing them a vodka in their moment of need might win me citizen of the year?);
• wish and encourage them to be happy and successful in their own right (achievements closely aligned to Bill Gates and Richard Branson - a parent can and should always dream!); and last but not least:
• adopt a stiff upper lip on those full moon days (Madame Chanel missed quoting that bit in her minimalist advice).
So now that I am going to be more realistic about parenting, it kind of feels good. Can I be completely reformed? Time will tell, and the temptations are around - those local shopping centres are a mecca for examples. So in helping my own campaign, I need your help (yep another one of those ‘it’s all about moi’ moments). Please remember to be sympathetic in my situation as a parent of two crafty little vegemites, and if you see me out and about and I’m looking a little pressured, it’s probably a full moon moment and my kiddies are trying it on. So please don’t feel shy – any help, guidance or offer of a stiff drink will be greatly appreciated.
Dedicated to all those cool parents who have given me loads of practical tips over the years to help keep me sane(ish). Happy New Year everyone! Tx
Oh crap – the things I used to do! I was THAT person who used to screw up my nose when I found out children were in the same part of the airplane as moi, I used to rolled my eyes when I saw a mum or dad losing the plot because their own child wouldn’t do as they were told, and I used to shake my head when I saw a child dressed in uncoordinated clothes. Then I got the shock of my life – I became a parent, twice!
Fast forward to the Naughties. I am in my thirties and a mum of two girls. This is a feat in itself – world’s worst needle phobic survives not 1 but 2 labours! Anyway, the messy bit aside, I have to admit that it has been a very slow and painful lesson – apparently kids do what the hell they want! Laugh all you like but there is nothing wrong with being positive when faced with the prospect of raising a child. I personally blame those cute babies in shopping centres and also my mum – why the heck does she only remember the good bits about rearing her own children. “You kids never did anything like that” is a constant reminder that I have somehow managed to rear 2 kids who draw similar characteristics to the Simpsons family and not my own genetic pool – hello, what is wrong with this picture?
So all that prepping of our little “bumps” must have been a load of rubbish as I clearly told my girls how they were to do exactly what I asked, that mummy will always be right, I will be the ‘fun’ parent, don’t marry until you are 30, and most importantly daddy will have heart failure if you go on a date before you are 25. So where did I go wrong?
My youngest girl (2yrs) is a handful like most 2nd kiddies – with a difference! She thinks what comes out of her nose is part of her 5 daily food groups. She insists on dressing herself every day (Madame Chanel would be beside herself!), she copies me by putting on ‘her face’ every morning before I go to work, but best of all she adores (and secretly aspires to be just like) her big sister - a no no in sibling land apparently. The big sister (the 6yr old going on 20!) thinks shopping is equivalent to needle vaccinations, she is retail aware and thinks she is a better dancer than I (clearly worst judgement of her young life). So I have managed to be pretty busy in my 6 years of being “mother of the year” – getting spewed on, pooed on, faced tantrums in public (more often than not!), had my hair tied in double knots (my kiddies think they are trained hairdressers when they see my hair out in the same room as a hairbrush!), and the ones etched into my memory - food tipped on my newly groomed hair and also being asked by a security guard to return items to a shop that my daughter decided to stick into her handbag. Weirdly though, some parents don’t even raise an eyebrow – they’ve experienced worse!
So in true optimistchic fashion, I am now a realistic parent (it took me a while but I have arrived with a thump!) who needs to be on to these mini me’s like super glue. Although I will always continue to love their beautiful ways and can’t imagine my life without them, I need to try different tactics to entertain and help them blossom into upstanding citizens. The things I have come up with so far are to:
• try like a superhero to see through their cute armour and tune into exactly what they are up to (i.e. nothing is always something);
• be patient at their ‘short person syndrome’ antics (i.e. full moon days);
• restrain my ‘rolling of the eyes’ for any parents I see that are stressed out of their minds (maybe handing them a vodka in their moment of need might win me citizen of the year?);
• wish and encourage them to be happy and successful in their own right (achievements closely aligned to Bill Gates and Richard Branson - a parent can and should always dream!); and last but not least:
• adopt a stiff upper lip on those full moon days (Madame Chanel missed quoting that bit in her minimalist advice).
So now that I am going to be more realistic about parenting, it kind of feels good. Can I be completely reformed? Time will tell, and the temptations are around - those local shopping centres are a mecca for examples. So in helping my own campaign, I need your help (yep another one of those ‘it’s all about moi’ moments). Please remember to be sympathetic in my situation as a parent of two crafty little vegemites, and if you see me out and about and I’m looking a little pressured, it’s probably a full moon moment and my kiddies are trying it on. So please don’t feel shy – any help, guidance or offer of a stiff drink will be greatly appreciated.
Dedicated to all those cool parents who have given me loads of practical tips over the years to help keep me sane(ish). Happy New Year everyone! Tx
4 comments:
Sounds like we all have a case of the School Holidays. There is a light at the end of the tunnel!
I can so relate to this. Love it!
LOL Well Tanya I know exactly where you are coming from....... motherhood just doesn't turn out how we plan it. Nice work
Hi Tanya, thought Id see how the blog was going. And YES!! as someone who swore they would never have a (small human) to look after, I can completely relate. Where is the hand book that tells you about everything your mother never mentioned about having children! Loved the read, thanks for sharing.
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