True love in a bottle

As much as I am a romantic at heart and believe in true love (that’s as soppy as I get I promise!), I have always been very sceptical of those that say they have found true love when they are young. Up until two weeks ago, I would have laughed if someone told me that there really are people out there who have a ‘strength’ in selecting lifelong partners when they have little or no relationship experience. An 18 year old who knows the difference between infatuation and love – oh please give me a bucket!

I was only chatting to a friend the other day and one of the questions I asked her stuck in my mind. I asked her what age she was when she married her hubby – wait for it…..21. OMG! She then said they dated for a couple of years before that, so it was obvious to me that this man (who she is still happily betrothed to) was her teenage sweetheart (oh bless!). What surprised me was my reaction. I was overcome with a feeling of happiness and gooeyness at the thought that there are people who do get it right first time. But, hello! What’s wrong with this picture and why did I feel so good about it? Where has the cynic in me gone?

The real ‘me’ pretends to puke when she hears a soppy love story and loves one of Olympia Dukakis’ lines in Steel Magnolias – “…if you don’t have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me”. So what’s happened? Am I that soft now that it only takes one soppy love story to change my views on relationships forever? Maybe there is hope for me yet!

Previously, I thought there can’t be any better test to whether a relationship would work than experience. The ‘try before you buy’ stage of ones’ life. I’m not talking about being a complete tart (or whatever the guy version is – something tells me there isn’t one), but finding out the type of person you truly click with takes time and A LOT of dedication and understanding (i.e. leaving the toilet seat up is not the end of the world if everything else is hunky dory). Also, the type of person you might think you would suit, in practise might drive you completely insane. I might have fancied Tom Cruise at one point (don’t go there) but I’m sure his ‘short person syndrome’ approach to life would have got way too much for even me to bear.

So why was I such a late bloomer in the life partner thing (another way of saying why was I so rubbish)? I remember my first crush – like it was yesterday. The cute chubby boy. My friends didn’t get it, but for some reason I saw potential (mostly from afar). From all reports he grew up and into a dashing chap, but in my world physical improvements alone don’t necessarily mean someone is fabulous inside and out. Thank the Lord my choices did improve greatly since him and I was pretty much on the right track once I reached my twenties, as my selection from the single men pool prior to meeting my hubby had similar characteristics – great career prospects, hardworking, extroverts, lovely smiles and they made me laugh. Oh and nice bums - what more could a girl want? Regardless, I’m quite happy knowing that I met my husband at the age I did and have no desire to change that part. I’d change my hairstyles (oh God don’t get me started on fashion disasters), but not much else.

So how will this new moi react? This is the interesting bit – what will life be like for the ‘changed’ me?
· Meet someone who is still with their teenage sweetheart: FROM -> cringing (on the inside) TO -> I will now think and feel that everything is wonderful.
· Get asked for advice with these type of relationships: FROM -> advising to dump asap TO -> I will be interested in giving tips to help
· What is so bad with meeting ‘the one’ in late teen years?: FROM -> ‘where do I start’ TO -> appreciating that it can be a good thing and it’s possible to have the best of both worlds (grow up and face the long term stuff together)

So now that I AM (almost) the person who is focussed on what people have (connection rather than material) and not what they might have missed out on by getting married so young, I just need some practice to see if my new outlook is to be short lived (or not). Never said I was perfect!

Is there anything else that’s good about it? Damn right there is! For some reason it’s the not–so-talked-about aspect and it works the same as Botox without the needles. Yep, you heard it first from me. This is obviously baseless in terms of scientific research (I am after all someone who makes big baseless statements almost daily!), but there’s no denying that my friend (the married at 21 lady) looks younger than her actual age and every time I see her she is always happy - you know the type that always look like they are up to something because it’s not possible to be that happy that often! Well that’s her. Maybe avoiding the standard scenarios that come with young relationships (dumping and being dumped) early on in life is part of her secret?

Anyway, for now I have lots to be positive about. I’m a little less cynical about other people’s lives and my motto is - it’s your journey. Depending on how it is used though, it can be a good descriptor or completely condescending to someone – so versatile (love it!). So moi is no longer going to focus on someone’s age as a measure of their ability to decide on their love life and instead appreciate who they are as a person and respect their decision. Unless it’s my daughters then I freak out and rethink my entire argument (but I’ve got a few years till that might happen).

So, where to now? If you are one of those who have been fortunate in finding true love first time round - bravo, congrats, fabuloso, and well done you. I can now honestly applaud you without a hint of sarcasm and at the same time I need a favour - I’m only human after all! Whatever you have within you to be so spot on with your choice of partner (oh and being able to stay so happy and youthful) – don’t be so damn selfish and share it. I want to bottle it. You might not realise this because you are so damn happy and content with life but the majority of the world’s singleton population out there would kill for what you have to share. So when I find you (and I will), don’t be surprised if I kidnap you for a wee while to crack this secret code you have going on. Not for selfish reasons though (hi hubby!), I happen to have friends who could do with your help and given the selfless gal that I am (almost saintly I know), I’m happy to be the one to make you talk. The things I put my hand up for………….Tx

Dedicated to Nicola, Angelique and all those who got it right early on……. you look so damn young and happy it makes me sick!